Baby you're a fiiiirrreeewooorrkk (:

OBSESSED with that song :) I dun even like Katy Perry but that song rules and just makes me wanna dance, daaannccee.

SO I got my grades!! And I'm totally on the honor roll.. if there is one 2 A's and 3 B's!! Das wassuuuupppp I haven't had those kinds of grades since 4th grade, literally. It feels perty good considering how terribly I've done in the past, it just goes to show ya how people who do bad in some subjects in school can excel in others yayyyyy!

Christmas was funnn I got some lovely boots and gift cards to Starbucks and Target! and and and I found out today that I can use my Target gc in the Starbucks in the Target! yayyy more starbucks. It's weird that I drink coffee like water because I'm really sensitive to it. Last week I didn't drink any coffee for 2 days and then I had one and felt wicked weird and sick.. so as long as I just have one every day I'm fine. haha that's bad but I just love it :) I'll stop drinking it sometime soon.. just not yet.
New years eve is on Fridaaayyy!!! Yayyy my plans for long island fell through because I'm poor and don't have a car ( but I'm starting to save up to get one!!) So now I'm just going to woosta to see some lovely people and get hammahed!  Then go to work the next day, awesommmme. I've worked with a hangover before, no big deal.

OOOOOOOHHH my gash. I'm going to Nashville in 12 days!!! YES.

mkay time for bed, night :)(:


<3

Real Christmas trees are better.

At my house in Boston we have a fake tree, at home in Bwater we got the real thing :D and idk why people get the fake oonneess it's so lame. Some people have allergies but whatever, suck it up it's once a year pussies.

This semester is almost over!! I have two more finals tomorrow and I'm fuhreee for a month :) yayayayyyy I'll probably be working every day but at least I won't have homework and all that bs too. I'll probably spend a lot of time in Bwater hanging out with gil aand I wanna go to NYC and Vermont. I'm def going to Vermont soon because it's so beautious in the winter, stacy and I are gonna go and have a romantic getaway. I wonder if they have red mango up there.



I have some serious news to share but not just yet, it's a secret so I cannot blurt it out now. Give it a month or so :) it's really exciting!!

mkay i need to finish my math homework and get ready for my dr.'s appointment.

bye bye
xoxo

intense.

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."
— Elizabeth Gilbert

It's theeee most wonderful time of the yeaarrrr

Jusssst 22 days until Christmas!! How exciting :) I haven't gotten any Christmas shopping done I have no motivation for it yet. My family is doing a grab this year because there's so many of us and I got my sister's boyfriend.. riigghhtt. So I have no idea what to get him or anyone else for that matter.
I wanna get my mom something good but once again I don't know what. I was thinking about getting her a ticket to the RF show in Manchester in February but the tickets don't go on sale until January so I think I might get her that for her birthday because she's been really wanting to go for a while but hasn't had the mula to get a ticket.

The semester is almost over!! Thank dee lord I'm so over this semester I just want to be done with it and get my grades :D I have a shit ton of math homework to do because as usual I've waited until the last minute to do it all, go me. But in my other classes I'm doing fabulously. I have a couple projects due on Friday and next week which I also haven't started haha oh well, I'll get them done.

I need another job, or H&M needs to give me more hours or I just need to be a waitress and deal with it because they make soooooo much money in one night, the same I make in a week and I ruhly ruhly need to start saving up for moving to Nashvilleee :) just a year and a half and I'll be in lovely lovely music city, YESSSS<3

mkay i gots to do my homework

ta ta :)

Apple cinnamon candles & old pictures

:) holaaa
so my madre emptied out our storage thing and of course 90% of the boxes in there were mine and I brought a few of them home and went through them. Of course 80% of the contents of these boxes are pictures. Pictures from basically my entire life, baby, toddler, cutest lil kid, high school, nooowww and it made me kinda sad spesh the high school ones because high school ruled, it sucked but it ruled at the same time. Soooo much has happened since then, some good some bad and some things I never expected. Like living in Memphis for an entire year? Insanity. It makes me want to add so many more pictures because if a stranger were to look through these boxes I feel like they'd think I've done a lot but I have soooo much more to like MOVE!
I looked at apartments online today in Nashville and discussed plans with stacy and I can't fucking wait to live thereerreerererere and get an adorable puppy and have an ill job and be neighbors with TS and every other awesome person in Nashville <3

This weekend was Thanksgiving!! I ate enough to feed a small 3rd world country and it ruled. I made a delicious apple pie and boommbb brownies, as usual. Rena bena came to visit which was lovely because it had been FOREVER since I saw her. I spent the rest of the weekend working and in bwater with gilly billy, I miss that lil nugget.

This semester is almost over! Only a couple weeks of class left and I'm suuuper excited for vacation. I'm probably going to work every single day because work consumes my life. But I needa make money so I can save for many things, mainly CMA fest next year and for moving :):):):):)

"I love the gap between your teeth and I love the riddles that you speak"<3

ganight :)

"I don't mind if they see just what you mean to me"

Loves a beautifulllll thiingg hey let it catch on <3

I've had a few days to let RF's new CD sink in and I have to say that Unstoppable was better, in my opinion. I guess I just prefer their ballads to the uptempo songs and the new album is 80% up/mid tempo songs and it's disappointing. The songs are good but I feel like those songs don't showcase Gary's voice as well as the ballads do, he sounds amazing with whatever he sings but I like the slower songs better. I just don't have the overwhelming urge to listen to the songs non stop like I usually do with their new albums :(
I still like all the songs, there isn't one that I would prefer to listen to over another which is another thing that usually doesn't happen. I usually have a handful of favorites and still like the others but all these songs are pretty equal. "Red Camaro" is fun and 'Summer Young" is one that I can say is a fav. "Nothing Like This" is okay, everyone is obsessed with it but there's nothing special about it to me. Overall the new album is just OK to me.

So school is going fabulously, I'm doing really good :D I have A's & B's except for math and I'm definitely working on that to get it up to at least a C beecause I have to pass it to move onto the next math class. After the next math I take I'll be free from math foreveerrrrr.. probably not but hopefully. I love my classes and talking about music and contracts and performing it doesn't even feel like school which is why I think I'm doing fabulously, I'm actually interested in this stuff :)

Thanksgiving is next week!! I haven't had meat in 10 days and I'm planning on keeping this up after thanksgiving, I obv can't resist turkey on turkey day so that will be the exception and then I'm gonna focus on keeping meat out of my diet :)
Speaking of my diet, I started p90x again last week but I've only done it once since then, shaaame, I know. I literally have no time to do it and it's sooo annoying. Plus the living room is teensy. I try to run when I can't do the dvd's but i don't have much time for that either. Distractions, distractions. If i can't get my ass in gear soon I'll just make it my new years resolution to BRING IT :)

Kay I'm going for a run then gotta get ready for work.
Laterrrr xoxox

"I'm supposed to be strong, I'm supposed to find a way to carry on"

ugh. uuuugggggghhhhhhhh.



I have nothing good to say except that Rascal Flatt's new album comes out tonight at midnight and that's the only thing keeping me from fleeing the country and forgetting about every single person I've ever known. The only thing that doesn't suck ass right now is school, amazingly.


ooookay bye.

you're a liar and pathetic :)

HEY KATIE DAVISDON!
Shout out to the most useless shithead of a person on the planet since she stalks my life and my blog, about my "imagined and distorted life."


Anyways.
"Dear John" is my favorite song on "Speak Now" right nooowwww <3


that's all.

night :)

this ain't hollywood, this is a small town.

hello hello.
It's tueessddaayyyy, possibly my least favorite day of the week.
I haven't written in a couple days because the last few days I've had zero motivation to do anything.. I haven't even gone for a run in like fiivvee daayyysss UGH gross. I may go after this. I'm waiting for my laundry to wash/dry as we speak so I worked up some motivation to do at least that :)

I don't think I've ever mentioned this in my blog but I'm planning on moving to Nashville in the next 2 years :) hopefully summerish of 2012 :):):):):) I just want to get my associates from Baystate and I'm fucking OUT. My plan is to get my bachelor's degree from Belmont University in the amazing. beautiful city of Nashville, TN. My home, where I really belong.
I've made some wack decisions in the past, ones that have not been favoring me but I know that moving there is the best possible thing I could do for myself and there's not one doubt in my mind about it. I just need to do really good in school right now and for the next year and a half. I'm planning on taking summer school this year so I can get out quicker and move on to bigger and better, beautious things in the south.

Yes I lived in Memphis for a year but Memphis and Nashville, contrary to what many may believe, are two completely different animals. Memphis is shitty, Nashville is perfection and there's really no other way to put it. Don't get me wrong I miss being in Memphis, but is it Memphis I miss or just being away? I haven't decided. I obviously love love love being away from home and being on my own, doing what I want and not having to report it to anybody, but with all the shittiness that is Memphis, I still miss the actual city and some lovely people I became friends with there. I just don't know that if i went back that I would be happy, not that I'm totally happy right now.. I guess I'll never know. I do want to go visit though, I miss my old roommate and all the pointless but fun things we did together. I miss the basketball games and the amazing gym that was there. I miss the beautiful campus and the siicckkk water spurt things in the middle of campus. I miss their accents, Perkins and BWW.

Stacy & I are planning a trip to Nashville in maybe a month and I think I'm going to try and get to Memphis for at least a day :)

gotta go get my laundry and run the past couple days off!!

ta ta for now ;)

sometimes I'm stupid.

I guess everyone does stupid things, things that seem like a great idea at the time. I'm young, I'm having fun and not caring.. until nights like this where I think about some things in the past and feel bad about them. I wish I could be a better decision maker, especially when it comes to dudes. I'm a sucker, if you make me feel bad I cave and that sucks and I know it. I just feel bad and do things even if I don't really want to.. so I don't hurt their feelings which is stupid. I should naahhht be worrying about that shit, especially with guys because God knows they don't give a fuck. I need to stop being stupid.

Kay now I feel better a little about that.
I went to Town Spa today with my madre which is only the best and I mean THE BEST pizza place in the whole entire world. I'm serious. Just look at this pizza,

seriously? Your mouth is definitely watering. IT'S SO GOOD!!!!
So we devoured this delicious pizza, had one of our long talks about how in love I am with certain people and how much I despise others. Then we went to Target! I have a deep love for Target, I love WalMart too but Target is just fabulous. I got a new pair of black sneaks, 3 pairs of socks for $1.00 each (yes!) and a new brazere :)
Another reason I love Target, besides their lovely clothes, shoes, and everything else in that store, is that they all have a lovely little Starbucks in all of them <3 love love looovveee it. Starbucks+Target = heaven.

Tomorrow I have my Music Industry mid term and I haven't studied. Cool huh? I don't have that class until 2:30 so I'm going to study during my 2 hours break tomorrow and eat chocolate so that I remember everything :)
now i must get my beauty sleep so I can wake up and ace this test. & thank you for making me feel better about feeling shitty :):):):)

don't you ever wish you could feel that way again?

Country music is straight up amazing. It gets me through life. It helps me get ready in the morning, gets me through the bus ride to school, work and wherever else i venture. I just love it. :)


i gots lots of homework to do so I must leave you now nighty night <3

Who cares?

So my mom just told me that I'm hard to get to know. This kind of hurt my feelings although I know this is true but I guess I always described it in a different way, like being shy or whatever. It just got me to thinking if other people think I'm hard to get to know. Then I thought who really cares what other people think but it's basically a fact that everybody cares about what others think, even if they deny it.

That's my thought for the day, gg catch the bus cyaaaaa

Twitter & "The Gift of Fear"

It's time to admit to my ridiculous addiction to Twitter. The first time I came across twitter was on Tay Swizzy's myspace page and I immediately fell in love. I was one of those people who updates their statuses 500 times a day with lyrics and quotes and random thoughts, so twitter to me is just fabulous.

Yesterday I was in Borders with a friend and while I waited for her to get her coffee I was browsing the books on the shelf facing the cafe. I came across "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker and this caught my attention because on the cover it says "this book can save your life" and I remember seeing something about this book on Oprah a while back. So I flipped it open and began reading the first couple pages and it just sucked me right in. 15 bucks is worth learning how to save my life right? Yessir, just one day later (let me add that I am not a big reader when it comes to books) and I'm already on page 82 in Chapter 5 :) This book is a #1 national best seller and I could see why within the first page. I haven't finished this book yet or even gotten half way through but I am recommending it to everyone I know. It's terrifying but in a good way. I feel like I have always had a pretty good sense of my intuition and common sense which is why I felt it as almost a challenge to read this book to see how smart I think I am when it comes to strangers and violence. So far I feel like I'm pretty well off, there are a lot of women who are just plain stupid when it comes to trusting strangers and Becker really gives you everything you need to be smarter. He actually just says the right things it's not even like he is giving you the tools he just tells you to listen to yourself because you already have all the tools you need inside. It's genius, go buy it!


I still haven't gotten over David Nail and his amazingness. Usually when I become suddenly obsessed with a new artist it only lasts maybe a month and I'm over it. There are few artists that last past the first initial liking of their music. Rascal Flatts, TS, Carrie Underwood are a couple that I stick with. But I think David Nail is going to be added to that list because he is just amazing. His entire CD is so good and his voice gives me chillsssss :)


Kay I'm going for a run before it starts to rain!

later <3

"wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts"

you are the best thing that's ever been miinnee.
I have one question and one question only, how does Taylor Swift know exactly what's going on in my life at all times? Her new song "Mean" from her new album "Speak Now" (out on October 25!) is just perfection. I LOVE IT! I'm making it a priority to see her asap, i miss that girl. "All you are is mean and a liar and pathetic and alone in life" just perfect and so true for shitty people :)

Stacy is coming to visit tomorrow and we're going to Red Mangooo!! can't wait can't wait can't wait!! I wish there was a show around that we could go toooo but oh well, we make our own fun mkaayyy.

tootles for now :):)

<3

I got some stuff on my mind.

I know I already posted today but I'm doing it again because I have some stuff I wanna get out. I just went for a walk along the beach right after my dad told me about a dead body they had found on the same beach this morning. This obviously freaked me out but I went anyways because I was way too full from dinner to just do nothing. So on my walk I was listening to my music and watching the planes fly like I always do and I was just thinking about some things that have happened in the past couple of weeks.
1. My 'best friend' and I are no longer friends, never mind the best part. I can't tell you the real reason that she was mad at me in the first place because I was drunk and don't remember everything that happened and she wouldn't tell me. So my nosy mother decided to ask after I told her my view of what went down and how my "best friend" won't talk to me or even tell me why she's mad because of something that happened when I was black out drunk, makes PERFECT sense, right? So this "best friend" decides to tell my mother the "story" which I don't believe a single word of because it does not even make sense and is so absurd. So I obviously did something terrible when i was drunk and don't remember to piss her off royally; which last time I checked doesn't fucking count when you BLACK OUT. Seriously. How can you stay mad at someone when they don't even know wtf the did? Anyways. that's not even the point really, she threw me under the bus to my mother and so she can go fuck herself and die for all I care. Harsh? Maybe. But true.

2. I was sexually harassed by my boss. I'm not kidding. I'm not really gonna get into that because it's just long and annoying but hes leaving in less than a week and I couldn't be more happy that he;s going to be gone and I never have to see him again.

3. This should really be number 2 if I'm going in the order that this shit happened but whatever. I went to California a little over a week ago with one of my favorite people in da whole world, Stacy. Why did we fly across the country you may be asking yourself, well I'll tell you. We went to see Rascal Flatts. When we landed in San Francisco Stacy has a text message that says the first show has been CANCELED. Awesome. Then we booked the car for the wrong city, a city that was oh just 2 hours way. So we have to pay an extra 300$ to get it switched to the correct city, we almost get killed and raped on the train and FINALLY get our car. This car ruled. It was actually a little truck and it just ruled. So we drive to San Jose where the second show is supposed to be Friday night (it's wed night) so we finally get a hotel and go to sleep. Free continental breakfast was from 630-9 so we get up at 8 in much better moods, still bummed from the canceled show we were supposed to be seeing that night but hey, we're in California so we're gonna make the best of a free day. So we go shopping. A few hours later we get the word, the SECOND show is canceled. SO we just flew across the country to see 2 amazing concerts which have now been canceled, due to illness. Kill us now. It gets better.
As we're in the Mexican Wal-Mart Chris Young (the dude opening for RF & 1 of Stac's favs) announces a show at a local bar on Friday night! 21+ what's the problem you ask? Stacy is just a wee little 19. COOL. So we go anyways because I have an ID and maybe if we tell the bouncer our story, he'll let us in.. pity? A woman is at the door, the manager... who is fat and ugly and short and a BITCH. So we can't get in and after being kicked out of the parking lot just trying to listen to Chris we decide it's best to leave before a cop comes and finds the 12 pack of Budlight lime in our back seat. Ihop makes everything better, at least it worked for me.

Bad things come in 3's right?
Someone told me today that my blog is sad, so I figured I'd lay it out why I'm in a bad mood this time. I'm not depressed I promise. I usually vent on this thing, I didn't make it to vent but it has become a nice outlet. Although I enjoy getting my anger and other sad emotions out on here I'm going to make an effort to make this little baby a bit more upbeat :) and now that i have gotten that shit out I think we can move on and hopefully things will start looking up.

It's only 9pm but I'm ready for a long sleep, nighty night :)

<3

I'm About to Come Alive

Favorite song right now - I'm about to Come Alive by David Nail. AMAZING, he is amazing :)

could have loved you all my life if you hadn't left me waiting in the cold.

You know those days, or in my case the past few weeks, when it feels like everything has just crumbled? Literally everything. Everything you try to do right fails. Every right decision you try to make turns out to be the wrong one and every person you thought you could trust turns out to be a liar and a thief. A thief of your energy, a thief of your poise, a thief of your confidence, a thief of your personality. I feel like I have just been broken down so much over the past year and I can't get back on track, nothing I do is right. Really sitting here and thinking back over this last year makes me realize how many wrong decisions I have made. Maybe I never should have gone to Memphis or maybe I should have gone back this year. Maybe there was a reason I went and came back, though I haven't figured it out yet. I know at the time I could not picture myself back in Memphis, now I can. I miss people I never thought I would and I miss the independence and being 1200 miles away from everyone and doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted with whomever I wanted. So much is happening to me right now and in this past month I don't even know how I'm still standing. I don't know how I haven't completely broken down and just cried for hours. I feel like I need it but I just can't, it's not coming out. I don't know what it's going to take but I hope that there isn't something bigger and more terrible coming that's going to just completely break me because I don't know that I'll be able to handle it. Music isn't even bringing out the tears, which is odd because music always gets me. Sad songs always bring on the tears.. but not this time, I got nothing.

It's starting to get really cold outside and taking the bus,train, bus to and from work is starting to SUCK. I have to get a new, big, warm, comfy jacket to keep me toasty on these hikes.

that's all. good night <3

My life is falling apart. That's all.

p90x

I guess it's time I share that I have been doing p90x for about a month and a half :) not sure why I haven't mentioned it thus far but now I am! I can't say I'm following it to a T but I think I'm doing pretty well. I'm not doing the diet, more of my own kind of diet just staying away from the bad stuff! I have to say I am absolutely in love with it, and Tony Horton :) he is amazing, and cracks me up.
I tried p90x a few years ago when my mom and her bf first got it. I was out of shape just like the average teen i guess, not fat by any means just didn't work out much. And it kicked my ass, I couldn't do it and didn't have the motivation to even try and push myself. But being away in Memphis for a year I worked out almost every day and actually lost about 10 pounds in the gym. After winter break, the second semester I gained it all back UGH and then some. So when I got home I was disgusted with what I saw on the scale and in the mirror so I told my mom to get p90x from Michael so i could get my ass in gear! At first it was hard but not as hard as I remembered it being when i was totally out of shape.
I wish I had taken before pictures when I first started but I wasn't into the whole deal when I first started, I was just concerned with losing some weight and looking good at the beach! But now that I am seeing a difference in my arms, stomach, butt and legs I wish I had taken a couple before pics. I know I can see the difference but I would have liked to show others my progress as well. I still have about a month and a half to go (obv I haven't been counting days like your supposed to either) I'm estimating. Some days it's tougher to get the motivation to press play and some days I need off so I'll be able to move the next day. Talk about having sore muscles, but it's a good hurt and I love it!!

So there it is, my secret is out! :) I'll post my final results pictures when I'm done!


<3

Everything happens for a reason, right?

Sooooooooooo I'm pretty bummed about this weekend, I had a good time but I was supposed to have a better time at the Rascal Flatts show in Hartford that I couldn't get a ride to. ugh. It just seemed like I wasn't meant to go, at first i didn't have a ticket and then my friend gave me a free one so was set I was going to drive there in Shannon's car BUT I found out my license is suspended. How did I find out you ask, wweellllll I got pulled over with shannon and the cunt cop ran my license and I guess it's been suspended for over a year and I had NO idea. WOOHOO!!
But it's kind of like I was there because Gary was wearing the necklace I gave him :) like he has been doing for the past few shows! Amazing. Simply amazing.

On a different note, I really think this Baystate thing is going to work out. I'm not getting my hopes up just yet because that's what I did for Johnson and Wales and now look at me. So I'm just kind of waiting for the definite. I got my financial aid package and I shouldn't even have to owe anything! Which was basically the deciding factor in me going there, affordability. It's going to be amazing me and bab are going to tear Boston up, I hope it's ready.

H&M is pretty cool too. It's kind of scary at first because it is pretty fast paced and you need to stay on your toes but it's kinda fun at the same time. Everyone that works there is cool and really nice and helpful. So all is well right now! Well not all but most. I just need to get my license back and hopefully I won't have anymore bad luck, fingers crossed!!

btw Rascal Flatt's new albm comes out November 26 and Taylor Swift's comes out in October!! This fall/winter is going to be awesome. :)


<3

P.S I love you.

Such an amazing movie. I just watched it and it was probably the 3rd or 4th time I have seen it and it just never gets old. It's such a heartbreaking movie yet inspiring at the same time. It makes me excited to fall in love and find someone that ends life as I know it. it also makes me want to fall in love with an Irishman, or at least someone with an accent. A sexy rugged Irishman, delicious :) I just have to muster up the guts to hop on a plane for 14 hours, I think that's about how long it takes to fly from Boston to Ireland. I don't think I could do it, I'd much rather take a cruise over there.. I wonder if they have those kinds of cruises. Ireland seems like such a perfect place, heaven on earth. It is so beautiful, from what I have seen and open a lovely. I hope I dream of it when I fall asleep tonight.

Goodnight :)

p.s i love you <3

YO

Long time no see!!
So it's been over a month since I wrote in this shiz and there's really no reason I just haven't gotten around to it. Lots of stuff has happened that I really don't feel like recapping, people have changed and I feel like it's time to move on from some old friends and on to new ones. Ones that don't treat me like shiaaat and say mean things. I have enough things bringing me down in my life right now, I don't need my friends doing the same thing. Friends are supposed to bring you up and make you feel good, not shit on your entire existence and then say oh I'm just trying to help. Fuck you I could give you some pointers on how to not be a cunt I don't need yours.

anyways.
I'm seeing rf in 2ish weeks and I'm seeing brad paisly and darius rucker and my biffle Lando in less than that. I'm going up to Saratoga, NY for a concert with Kristen and I'm exciteeddd :)
Also, I basically have a job at H&M!!! YYYAAAAAYYYY!!! It's about fuuuucking time on the real. I can't wait for my first day that is if I pass my background check and that's a 50/50.. haaa I'm not too concerned. It's not like I committed a real crime. No need to get into that mmmk.

Tomorrow Stacy is coming up and we're going to das beeaach! I need to get up early so it's time for bed :)

nighty night <3

I could really use a wish right now.

It's Wednesday night and I'm sitting here with hair dye in my fro. Going darker for now, my original plan was to go blond for the Summer but my sister decided she was going to and her hairdresser friend did it and I'm SURE everyone would say I'm "such a little copy cat" if i did it. That's not really why I'm dying it darker I'm just feeling the dark hair and tanned skin at the moment. Plus the person I was supposed to dye my hair blond with decided I don't exist anymore so fuck her and fuck going blond. I'll do it next year.
Today was another torturously boring day, I wanted to rip my hair out on more than one occasion. Now it's 10:36 so the day is almost over and CMA fest is getting closer and closer :) Today I found out Taylor Swift is doing a 13 hour meet and greet! Hollaaa I can't wait to see herrrrr love that chick. Also today I made the most delicious potato wedges I've ever ever eeevverrr made, they were tender and delicious. I find in my boring days that cooking occupies my time and makes me feel accomplished when it comes out yumsky.
I also applied to a bank today and crossing my fingers that they will at least give me an interview, supposedly they offer "competitive wages." I'll honestly take anything I can get at this point.
Well it's time to wash out my hair now!!

ta ta :)

I close my eyes oh God i think I'm falling out of the sky I close my eyes.

Heaven help me. Glee version of that song = amazing.

Sooo I went to New York yesterday morning bright and early at 3:30 am. to go to the beach with KJ and Stacy, some RF friends. It was good.. alright I suppose. Nashville is in one week, I'll be there with them and a couple other people. All I want out of this is to get a hug from Gary because I miss him so much. If anyone gets in my way of doing that I will murder. :) On the real though that's I want and to get absolutely obliterated at the bars of course. Forget about life for a week, sounds perfect to me.

I need a job. I really really REALLY need a fucking job. UUGGGHHH


This is the first time and the last time I'll ever write this anywhere because it's gay, but it's beyond necessary, fml.

You don't have to call anymore, I wont pick up the phone.

I woke up in a better mood this morning but the days activities or lack there of has brought me back down. I hate how I feel at night, it's like it just builds up all day and every single night I just want to cry. Whaaat is wrong with me? "You said that you were sorry but I don't believe you baby like I did before" I don't know what I need to do to shake this shitty feeling I have all the time but I need to figure it out. I can't feel like this any more I refuse to let this summer be a let down. Rascal Flatts isn't even cheering me up and that's a problem.

You don't look a day over fast cars and freedom.. Oh Gars<3 All I want to do is find a band who needs an extra person to do whatever and just go on tour with them. It would be amazing to just go wherever and not worry about anything and just be around music all the time. God that sounds so perfect. Music and just following the roads wherever they take you.

I really hate being such a Debbie downer, writing all this helps a lot I just laugh at myself and feel a little better. I laugh because this isn't me. I laugh because of how pathetic I sound and how ridiculous this situation I'm in is. I'm sad because I feel like it's not even my fault. Stuck, trapped, lost, confused are a few words that come to mind that pretty accurately describe how I feel. Hopeless probably fits it best. I wake up in the morning with all the hope I could ask for and ask the day progresses it just gets sucked out of me as I get shut down by basically everything. I applied for a handful of loans today for school and it was denial after denial. What do they expect me to do? Sorry Johnson & Wales i actually DON'T have an extra 35 grand lying around. Nope, my mom didn't put away for my college fund when I was little, sorry. Stupid private colleges.

I can't think of one positive thing to write about. Besides the fact that I'll be in Nashville in 11 days, but that doesn't even feel good to think about because I have $1.73 in my bank account with no flight back and what am I supposed to do there with a dollar 75 in my account? I hate this. I hate this so much.

I've been a lot of lonely places

I didn't think coming home would result in me being almost as unhappy as I was in Memphis. Everyone I used to turn to has just turned into a huge disappointment, it's like I can't rely on anyone. I go away for a school year and it's like everyone has forgotten about me. I don't even know what to do with myself right now. I suck at being alone. And crying makes my damn wisdom teeth hurt. I just got them out on Monday so it's been 3 days and it sucks. Everything sucks right now my friends, most of my family, not having a job, not having money fuuuuuck this. What am I supposed to do with myself? Who the fuck am I supposed to turn to?
Whatever. I'm so sick of everyone and everything I just want to scream and cry and scream. Nothing has worked out the way it's supposed to or the way I had planned in my head. I feel like my life is just falling apart and everyone is just going on their way not even paying attention. Nobody cares. It feels like everyone that has come into my life in the past 8 months has just taken a little piece of me and left. Left me alone to fend for myself. Like oh she'll be fine who cares about her? Apparently nobody except maybe my mom. I love her, I just wish she could do better in her own life. I wish I could find her a better job so she can make the money she deserves to be making and buy the things she wants to buy and not have to struggle.

I'm going to CMA Fest in less than two weeks and I don't have a return flight. And I'm contemplating not buying one. I can just stay with a friend i doubt anybody would even notice. I can't even afford to buy one! UGH.. I have nothing to come back to during the summer anyways. Not until the end of August do I have something to come back to. This idea is sounding better and better.

I could go on and on about how much everything sucks right now but it just upsets me even more and I'm not really in the mood for a pity party.

Goodnight.

CC

imsorryimsorryimsorry

Never wanted this never want to see you hurt.

Rough night. It was supposed to be a good time and it was up until the end. I just feel terrible :( I guess I'll start by saying that I went out with a friend who wanted to be more than a friend for quite some time. But in my own defense I told him numerous times I didn't feel the same way as him. I guess I shouldn't have hung out with him after that but I enjoy his company. I think tonight was the last time we'd be in eachother's company. I'm sad because he said I had been his crush for like 5 years and I know how it feels for your crush to not feel the same way, and it sucks. I wish i felt differently but I just don't and I'm sorry.

On a lighter note, I am working tomorrow!! It's about daammnn time. I'm working at the Sugarland show tomorrow night and then the Kiss concert all day on Saturday. Then on Monday I am getting my wisdom teeth out, YIKES!! I am definitely not looking forwad to that but I'll be glad when they're out. Other then that I've really just been on an intense job search with NO luck, shoot me. It's absolutely horrible and I need money now more than I ever have. CMA fest is in less than a month and I still haven't bought my plane ticket. Speaking of CMA fest, Lorena isn't coming anymore and I couldn't be more upset about it. I had a gut feeling something would prevent her from going the entire time but the reality of it just sucks. And it's her birthday that week so it's just a huge bummer, especially for her :( I wish money grew on trees.

I'm also trying to get loans for Johnson and Wales next semester because as of now I need to come up with 16 grand ASAP and it's just not looking very good right now. I know there are thousands of colleges in the country but not ones that have my major. If the do they are basically the same price as J&W. It's not even like I mind paying that much I just don't have it and really have no way of getting it. Nobody will give me a loan :(
I hate to complain so much but my life just isn't really going according to plan right now. I am beyond frustrated and I feel sort of trapped and helpless, I hate it. I don't know who to turn to or where to even start.. I just hope I figure something out soon because I can't live like this! It's driving me crazy, I am just miserable :(

Anyways.. I guess I'll stop complaining now. Goodnight blog :)

Coco

everything comes full circle

When people suddenly act different for "no reason" there's ALWAYS a reason, you just haven't found out yet. Trust your gut, 99.99999% of the time it's right.

I'm finally home :) and it's great.. kinda boring at the moment with no job but still better than being in Memphis. I have been job hunting all week and applied to a bunch of places and now I'm just waiting for a rsponse.I'm praying that Friendly's or the 99 will call me because I'd really like to start getting into waitressing. I also need money for CMA fest in like 27 days. If i don't find a way to make quite a bit of money in the next couple weeks I don't see how I could possibly go to cma fest. :( That situation really sucks i thought i would have more time to make the money but it's just going by too fast.

I'm gonna go make some breakfast and watch Kathy Lee & Hoda :)

Peeaaccee<3

Coco

There's never a right time to say goodbye.

First of all lemme just say it's not quite as enjoyable listening to music when one of your headphones is out. One of my head phones ALWAYS dies.. I have terrible headphone luck. Second of all, goodbyes really suck :( one of my perty good friends down here just left and I'll probably never see him again. Not fun.

On a happier note I'm basically all packed and so ready to take my piano final tomorrow and BE OUT. I can't even imagine coming back here for another year. I mean sometimes I kind of want to but then I remember all of my amazing friends back home that I really miss compared to the stupid people down here. I guess you can't fit in everywhere. It was weird not making friends the way I thought I would or how I usually do everywhere I go. I am more then excited to go to JWU next year and hang out with real, awesome, NORTHERNERS. Well maybe I shouldn't say that because I have a lot of great friends from the south and it's really just Memphis, TN that sucks a giant pair of balls. Nashville is pure amazingness along with most other cities down here in the dirtay south ;)

I'm leaving Friday morning at 10ish hopefully a little bit earlier and I'm hoping the ride to Nashville will be good. The flooding over there has me a little bit worried but according to everyone I have talked to the roads to the airport are fine. There's supposed to be "isolated thunderstorms" on Friday but hopefully they will go away by 5:40! Flying is difficult enough for me without bad weather.

I can't wait to get back so I can apply for jobs like a crazy person. I will be working at concerts again this summer but that doesn't pay well enough, plus it doesn't start until the end of May and I need a job ASAP so I can pay for CMA Fest :) Which btw is in 34 days!! :D!! I don't know how I'm going to make enough money in less than a month to have a good time but.. I'm definitely going to try!

Welllll that's all I really have to say for now, until next time :)

Love coco

You stole my heart now I'm gonna steal your's too.

Hello! It's Sunday which means I have just 5 days left in Memphis! Yay!
This weekend was quite interesting. I found some things out that really made a lot of other stuff that I have wondered about in the past make perfect sense. It's crazy how things just find their way to you, all the pieces fit together and you can stop wondering about stupid things you never should have been worried about in the first place. I'm glad I know the truth and it makes me feel so much better about the decisions I made with the certain somebody. It also makes me feel bad for his ridiculous girlfriend who has stayed with him through the bullshit, cheating, lying.. I mean whaaaat? I wonder if she knows everything, there's no way she could know and still be with him. She'll figure it out some day and realize how stupid she has been and cry for days. But enough about that I really couldn't care less anymore. :)

I've been on a Kenny Chesney buzz lately I'm loooovin his music, probably because summer is just around the corner and that's basically all he sings about.
So my flight leaves Friday out of Nashville<3 at 5:40 I think and I arrive in Providence around 9 :) sounds like a long flight but its just over 2 hours, the time change makes it look longer but I'm glad it's not.

This weekend we had like 5 tornado warnings! It started Friday morning early at about 4:30 and the alarms just kept going off all day long. The first couple scared me but after realizing they were being just a bit overcautious I got over it. We sat outside and watched the crazy clouds roll by. The sky was really dark and scary and the lightening was constant. I'm glad there was no thunder because it gets LOUD down here way louder then any thunder back home.

I hate to be all over the place but I have a lot of topics on my mind! I really need new music on my itunes. I'm so sick of listening to the same music over and over and over. It's just lame paying for music, I mean I only pay for it now no Limewire or any of that stuff for me anymore, even though it's so much easier. I prefer to support all the artists :)

Well i think that's all I've got on my mind for now, until next time!

Love Coco :}

Almost done :)

YAYYYYY Schools almost over!!! Yesterday was my last day of classes aaand now I'm just waiting to finish up my finals! I have one on Monday, Tuesday aaand Thursday. I'm nervousss about them.. bio doesn't really matter because I'm definitely failing that class no matter what. French I'm super nervouse about because I really want to and kinda need to do good on that one.. piano I'm a little nervous about too. I have to learn 3 pieces I already know the 3 I'm doing and I have them down pretty good, a little more practice and I'll be a pro at them :)

I'm SO excited to be home all summer and then go to Johnson & Wales next semester!! I got accepted, obviously :) I'm so pumped for that.. I can't wait to get my internship senior year, kinda far away but they have internships at amazing places like Madison Square Garden and NBC studios! MSG would be like a dream... I would diiee to intern there and live in NYC oh my goosshh I'm giddy just thinking about it :)

The summer is going to be amazing I have lots of plans to go down to The Cape and I plan to be on the beach with a delicious alcoholic beverage in my hand every day, perfection. I have been going to the gym a butt load so i look shexy at da beach :) I can't wait!
I'm also planning on being at a Rascal Flatts concert AT LEAST 5 times this summer. Oh speaking of concerts I'll be working at the Comcast Center again this year with bab! It's going to rule, it's our second year so we know basically everyone and everyone that works there is awesome. Pretty much all of the shows this year are going to be awesome too, Tim Mcgraw, Sugarland, New Found Glory and Paramore, RF! I'm pumped :)

I think that's all that has happened since my last blog! Only 9 more days in Memphis and I really cannot believe it's REALLY almost over, I'll never be coming back here. It's weird walking around knowing i spent almost a year of my life here and now I'm just leaving, but I'm happier back home for now. Even though I'm happy about leaving I'm still a little sad. I'll miss a few people but I'm leaving behind some that don't need to be in my life anymore. I wonder if I'll cry when I leave.. doubtful ;)
Tab is taking me to the airport in Nashville (3 hours away!) but she lives there so I'm basically just hitching a ride. I'll definitely miss her, not so much her habits haha but definitely her i might cry.. doubt she will because she's weeiirrdd but I'm emotional :)

Alriigghhtt I think I wrote enough for now.
Until next time,
Looooove Coco :)

It's 2 am feeling like I just lost a friend

Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for meeee<3
Taylor Swift is the absolute best person in the world. Maybe second, Gars is first. I just love her and every single one of her songs. I can't wait for her new album to come out it's going to be amazing! I think it's coming out at the end of this year. Rascal Flatts' is coming out in Septembeerrr!!! EEEEEEKK!! I'm pumped.

I am also pumped for this summer. There's less than a month left of classes and I could not be more excited! I mean I'm a little sad about leaving because I'm more than likely not coming back to Memphis next year, and there's a few people I'll miss; but I'm preettyyy sure I can do without them, no offense Memphians.
I have so many fabulous things planned for this summer and I know things never go as planned usually when I plan stuff out things go complete opposite of how I hope. For instance, I am hoping for the best summer ever which means it will probably suck. I try not to get my hopes up for anything anymore because I have finally learned that disappointment is inevitable and it breaks my heart to say that, but it's true. I won't let this summer be anything less then amazing though :)

Classes. I really hope I have done better this semester than I did last semester. There's really no way I could do any worse so I guess that's a good thing. I'm doing well in the majority of my classes except for biology. My teacher is a complete draaaag and I can barely sit through the entire class anymore. not to mention I did absolutely horrible on the last test. But other than that I am doing pretty well! I am a little nervous about piano though because I didn't have my book for the first 2 months of class so I really fell behind and I haven't been able to catch up as much as I would like.

Other than school I'm doing pretty okay.. the days are dragging because I'm really looking forward to packing up mt shiz and going back home! But like I said, it will definitely be a little bit sad. I hope a certain couple "somebodies" have the balls to say goodbye to me before I leave, in person. I found out some new this weekend that were a tad shocking considering something that happened about a week before but i won't get into that because it's not even worth writing about.

Today is Easter btw!!! I went to church for the first time in God knows when and it wasn't that bad. It was much more fun then I had expected and the band/singers they had were great. Afterwards my roommate and i went with Eryka and April to the Pastor's house for lunch and it was AMAZING. I ate way too much and I'm still stuffed.. those oreos I ate a little while ago probably didn't help though. BTW I am going on a liquid fast this week. We'll see how that goes! I am testing my will power and trying to lose the few pounds I puton this semester (not happy about it!!)

Well I think i have gone on long enough, I have a french test to study for and a psychology test to take before midnight!!

I hope somebody has been reading these besides me!

Love coco <3 :)

Food!

My mom sent me food today in the mail!! oooo dear it's all so yummy :)
I'm listening to Avril Lavigne right now and all of her songs are so good, her older ones. Slipped Away, Fall to Pieces, Nobody's Fool, When Your Gone all of them are just ssooooo gooood i could cry during every single one. haha her voice just sounds so sad and perfect in each song I love her!
It's finally friday and spring break is in a week! Yayy! I get to go home woop woop. I was supposed to be going to Florida with bab but one of the dudes aka dumbass douche bag bailed and has to work, loser. So we can't go because we don't have enough people which sucks ass because I was so looking forward to the beach and I even bought a new bathing suit! But I'm still excited to go home and see everybody.
Bab and Corey are driving down here to pick me up and i can't waaiiitt. I'm wicked excited for the long trip back.. I plan to drive most of the way back and we might stop in Nashville :) I'm coming back on the 14th and I wish i got a flight for the next day because the Boston St Patrick's day parade is Sunday :( I'm so bummed but I have a review in french class for a test on monday so I really couldn't afford to wait another day to get back. I can go to the parade next year I suppose.
I hate how when you comment on someone's picture or status on facebook it has to notify you every time someone else comments, useless notifications.
I wonder if anyone has read any of these blogs.. haha i doubt it but I always post it on my twitter when i write a new one, incase anybody cares :)

I'm going to go get some food in the awesome Tiger Den, until next time!

<3Coco :}

Just when things went right doesn't mean they were always wrong.

Hellooo :)
It's monday night aaand I should be sleeping so I can wake up for class tomorrow but instead I'm up watching Intervention and talking to my sissy. Intervention is such a good show, the people on it are soo addicted to drugs and alcohol and they're just crazy. But they usually always go to rehab in the end when their families have the "intervention" and cry and tell them how much they love them, mad good.
So anyways, I'm sloowwly falling out of this groove kinda thing I've been in for school like doing all my work and stuff. I'm already sick of it. There's only like 2 1/2 months of classes left so I need to suck it up and stop being a biiitch.. but it sucks taking these dumbass classes. I think I'm going to Johnson & Wales next year!! Woop woop!! They have entertainment business and I'm stoked :) it's not for sure yet but there's a strong possibility.
Today was long and boring. I went to Zumba class with my roommate which is kinda fun, the teacher is crazy but she's funny. Other then that.. I bascially slept all day asss usual hah.. I lead such a boring life down here in memphrica.. hahah I didn't come up with that!
In the Rascal Flatts department I am goin caraaaazyyy!! I miss them sooo much :( they were in Nashville tongiht for a benefit show but there was no way I could go.. good seats were hard to get and super expensive and I refuse to take the bus there again. It was naht pleasant. But for RF I may consider it again. Plus I'm broke so unless I become a stripper or "escort" aka hewer I will be broke forevaahhhh. until I get my taxes back of course. :)

Alright now I'm just rambling.. which is the name of this blog but it's worthless rambling now so I shall stop :)

Goodnight!!

~Coco

It may be all I need..

In darkness she is aaallll i see come and rest your bones with me, driving slow on sunday morning and I never want to leave. Love that song :)
I'm putting off the rest of my math homework to write this, it's due in 2 hours and I have bunches to do. I'm so fuhreaking sick of doing work for classes I don't want to. I feel like college should be about taking classes you want to take, that you enjoy taking. I am paying for this shit. SO frustrating!
Besides math I'm not really minding any of my other classes. French and Bio are okay.. not too bad right now. But i did get a 59 on my bio test woooops.. i didn't study enough because i suck at school. It's a wonder why I'm even here in college haha. Not sure what I'm going to do next year because right now this shiz is naahhht working out. I need to find a place that encourages my major and the classes that are involved in it. Not this bull shit math, french and science. Isn't that what high school was for? Gahhd it's so annoying.

Anyways, enough school talk. There's not much else going on to talk about though. Woops, except that I'm going to Florida in 2 weeks for SPRING BREAK!!!!!!! With bab, acarse. Corey is coming as well and some other person hopefully! I can't wait to forget about school and memphis for a whole week and just relax on the beach and get my tan on :) I'm pumped. After that there will only be about a month and a half left of school!! Yay!!! I'm going to come back rejuvinated and ready to finish out the semester with a baannnggg! I hope.

Wellllll I really should get back to my math homework. I have to get this done before midnight!! And I have a test tomorrow eek, wish me luck!

<3CoCo

Sunday Morning

Good morning :)
I woke up to an empty room this morning, my roommate is in Nashville *tear* for a some promotions thing for a club. She's supposed to be back some time today, not sure when. Until then, I've got the room to myself :) me and the cooking channel aallll day WOOP WOOP! Haha.. not really. I have homework to do and the superbowl is on today! Sadly my Pats aren't in it so I could care less about watching it. But I will because I enjoy a good game of sunday football :)
I have a french quiz tomorrow that I'm not really looking forward too, hopefully I can pull at least a B out of it. I have a bio test on Thursday too.. I'm nervous about that one, I haven't studied at all yet so that's what i'll be doing most of this week.
Right now I'm looking at some state schools back home. I have been leaning towards private schools because they seem to have the better majors at least closer to what my major is, music/entertainment management. I miss home, and boston and my friends. It just hasn't gone the way I had hoped it would down here in Memphis. It's boring as hell and the people are either stuck up or just weird. I mean i;m weird too but.. in a different/awesome way :)

Not to mention every single dude I've met is out of their minds, like... needs help. I'm all set with the crazies and the ridiculous way tehy think. All guys are ridiculous but there's something sketchy about these Memphis fellers. Sketchy muthas.
Anywho.. I haven't been to the gym in like 5 days and I feel grrroooosssss.. maybe I'll walk my ass there a little later today.

It's time to get back to school searching!

Love Coco<3

Back to School!

I've actually been back in Memphis for about a month now and I totally forgot about this blog!! But no more! I shall dedicate at least a few days a week to updating and venting. This past month has been kind of a blur.. the first couple of weeks back were rough. I was not excited to be here, I wanted to go home and i still do a little bit. I'm actually in the process of applying to a few schools back home in Boston. So far I have applied to Fisher, which bab says I'll hate (bab is my beesstt friend acarse) i'm planning on applying to lassel college and possibly Johnson & Wales in Rhode Island! It's definitely exciting looking for new colleges and applying, I just wish i had better grades last semester. I'm not very confident with my trascript from the U of m at the moment. Hopefully at the end of this semester I can say I'm proud of myself. I'm really trying to stay focused an get the best grades I can this semester. I haven't been able to give 100% because I don't have my books but as soon as I get them, there will be no more excuses!
Another thing that's been on my mind is duuuudes.. stupid stupid boys. I don't know who to trust anymore when it comes to the opposite sex. I'm beginning to think they're just all the same. You think you're just friends with a guy uuntil he tries to put on the moves and you reject him and he hates you forever. It's naht my fault all you want is sex and I'm not a slut? UGH it's just frustrating. But I'll explain all that some other day, this one is long enough!

Off to take a shower and hit the sack! :)

Coco<3