You don't have to call anymore, I wont pick up the phone.

I woke up in a better mood this morning but the days activities or lack there of has brought me back down. I hate how I feel at night, it's like it just builds up all day and every single night I just want to cry. Whaaat is wrong with me? "You said that you were sorry but I don't believe you baby like I did before" I don't know what I need to do to shake this shitty feeling I have all the time but I need to figure it out. I can't feel like this any more I refuse to let this summer be a let down. Rascal Flatts isn't even cheering me up and that's a problem.

You don't look a day over fast cars and freedom.. Oh Gars<3 All I want to do is find a band who needs an extra person to do whatever and just go on tour with them. It would be amazing to just go wherever and not worry about anything and just be around music all the time. God that sounds so perfect. Music and just following the roads wherever they take you.

I really hate being such a Debbie downer, writing all this helps a lot I just laugh at myself and feel a little better. I laugh because this isn't me. I laugh because of how pathetic I sound and how ridiculous this situation I'm in is. I'm sad because I feel like it's not even my fault. Stuck, trapped, lost, confused are a few words that come to mind that pretty accurately describe how I feel. Hopeless probably fits it best. I wake up in the morning with all the hope I could ask for and ask the day progresses it just gets sucked out of me as I get shut down by basically everything. I applied for a handful of loans today for school and it was denial after denial. What do they expect me to do? Sorry Johnson & Wales i actually DON'T have an extra 35 grand lying around. Nope, my mom didn't put away for my college fund when I was little, sorry. Stupid private colleges.

I can't think of one positive thing to write about. Besides the fact that I'll be in Nashville in 11 days, but that doesn't even feel good to think about because I have $1.73 in my bank account with no flight back and what am I supposed to do there with a dollar 75 in my account? I hate this. I hate this so much.