I didn't think coming home would result in me being almost as unhappy as I was in Memphis. Everyone I used to turn to has just turned into a huge disappointment, it's like I can't rely on anyone. I go away for a school year and it's like everyone has forgotten about me. I don't even know what to do with myself right now. I suck at being alone. And crying makes my damn wisdom teeth hurt. I just got them out on Monday so it's been 3 days and it sucks. Everything sucks right now my friends, most of my family, not having a job, not having money fuuuuuck this. What am I supposed to do with myself? Who the fuck am I supposed to turn to?
Whatever. I'm so sick of everyone and everything I just want to scream and cry and scream. Nothing has worked out the way it's supposed to or the way I had planned in my head. I feel like my life is just falling apart and everyone is just going on their way not even paying attention. Nobody cares. It feels like everyone that has come into my life in the past 8 months has just taken a little piece of me and left. Left me alone to fend for myself. Like oh she'll be fine who cares about her? Apparently nobody except maybe my mom. I love her, I just wish she could do better in her own life. I wish I could find her a better job so she can make the money she deserves to be making and buy the things she wants to buy and not have to struggle.
I'm going to CMA Fest in less than two weeks and I don't have a return flight. And I'm contemplating not buying one. I can just stay with a friend i doubt anybody would even notice. I can't even afford to buy one! UGH.. I have nothing to come back to during the summer anyways. Not until the end of August do I have something to come back to. This idea is sounding better and better.
I could go on and on about how much everything sucks right now but it just upsets me even more and I'm not really in the mood for a pity party.
Goodnight.
CC
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