black holes and human souls.

I just watched these documentaries on the craziest shit ever. The universe and our souls. My mind is going fucking nuts right now, not gonna lie I'm kind of freakin' out. I'll warn you this is about to get real deep and ridiculous cause i can't stop thinking about it all.
The first show was about the soul and human consciousness and our self awareness and all that shit, crazy shit that I regularly wonder about. So watching this documentary about it just threw a million more questions into my mind than were already there.
So then I watch another show by Stephen Hawking who is completely paralyzed and i don't know how he can live with not being able to move at all or talk or anything, so he talks through a computer. Anyways, this show was about the universe and how if you really look into science and the earth and sun and matter and EVERYTHING that there's no role for God in the grand scheme of things. I'm not getting into the God part of that cause that's too much, but this show started with the vikings and solar eclipses and what they believe and just went from there. Through Galileo and Einstein and the laws of nature and it just makes such sense yet at the same time makes no sense AT ALL.
So now that I've given you the background, let's talk about how fucking insane life is. (I told you this was going to be ridiculous) All this got me thinking about all the people in the world and who everybody is and how I sort of envy people who are.. I don't want to say famous but who have a clear purpose. Such as singers, actors, the fucking pope? People who are clearly here for a reason and have talents and things that have gotten them somewhere in life and people around the world know them because of it. How does that work?! I mean if you think about all the science of the big bang and the universe and planets and gravity why the fuck does that even matter? Why are people here and why are some good at things others aren't? Why can some people ice skate amazingly and others can't even stand up orrrr why do some people have ridiculously gorgeous voices and some people can't sing to save their damn lives?! (my sister)

I don't understand why there are people with naturally born talents or "known purposes" and then there's someone like me. I'm not having a "i suck at life moment" I'm just saying, why am I here? How come certain humans become something and others don't?

Idk maannn I just keep thinking more and more about things like that. Why do some people die young? Why are there even people.. why do I care? I could go on and on.

Now back to the first show I watched about self awareness in ya cranium. Shit's insane. They were talking about brains and the cerebrul cortex and how that gives someone consciousness and without it we'd be drones and some people on the show were saying once you die, you're done nothing exists anymore (which totally freaks me out) and other guys were convinced that life as we know it is just the beginning and blah blah. It's really intense to let your mind soak that kind of info in and really think on it. I feel like it is just too much to get your mind around because there isn't an answer, nobody knows, nobody will ever know. The point of me going back to the first show was because they said something about people's desires and why this person wants that and another person wants something else, like why are we all different and not just the same. I found it interesting.

Heavy shit.
I had to get that out before I go to bed or I wouldn't be able to sleep, too many thoughts at once.

Now I'll listen to music to clear my mind of the craziness :)

ganight <3

P.S i didn't finish the Stephen Hawking's show because they started talking about black holes and that got WAY too intense, I started getting anxiety.