By golly I've been speaking in a British accent all day long why stop now?!
Okay I'll stop.
Once again it's been too long since my last entry but I have just a small tic on my mind that's really getting to me so here goes. Sorry if I offend anyone though quite frankly I don't really care ;)
What is the deal with guys and blonde chicks? It's a hair color, honestly. I am not jealous, far from it, I just don't see what their fascination is. If a girl is sexy then she's sexy and that's it. She can have great hair and great eyes and whatever but why do they need to be so specific with the hair color?
Maybe I'd be saying this about brunettes if I were blonde but it's on my mind because of a conversation I just had so I feel the need to blurt it out to whoever reads my blog mkaayyy.
Anyways, enough about blondes.
I'm officially withdrawn from school. I can't really believe I did it. Relief and fear come to mind when I sit here and think about it. I really hope I didn't make a huge mistake. It's easy to get back into school though if I really feel like I can't survive and make a living without a damn degree. I actually know I didn't make a huge mistake but part of me feels like I'm supposed to be scared about this, truthfully I'm not nearly as scared as I think most people would be in my situation. I feel really hopeful and excited about what's coming in the next few months :)
Freedom, sweet freedom and happiness. I know I could fail miserably once I move to Nashville and end up with a crappy job that pays just enough to pay my rent and buy my coffees( because let's be honest coffee is the only other thing I'll absolutely NEED) but I'm going to be happy regardless because there's no place I want to be more right now then Nashville, TN =)
That may change in a couple years and I'll probably get the urge to move again but I think that when I am ready to settle down once and for all, after I get the "live in as many cities/states/countries as I can before I get too old and people think I've passed the "family stage" age and pity me" out of my system I'll end up in Nashville, without a doubt.
Tomorrow I need to find another job because wedding season is dying and I have WAY too much free time on my hands now, god knows what I'll end up doing if i just sit around thinking all day long, I'll lose my mind completely and you'll never hear from me again. Sounds like a terrible nightmare, I know.
CHEERIO!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
baby come over here let's lay down whisper in my ear oh I love that sound.
love that song :)
I'm really happy right now, happier than I've been in a little while. Strange to think it's because I'm dropping out of college. I don't like the way that sounds so let's call it withdrawing. My dad laughed when I said that but it makes me feel like a failure to say that I'm dropping out. Plus I have a plan of going back in two years if i don't "make it" as my sister put it.
I feel really relieved. I still have to go to my school and officially withdraw aka sign my life away to financial aid. I also have to talk to my adviser aka defend my decision and dignity. Sounds like fun, right? God I'm excited for that!
It's going to be fine though because I know what I waannnnt and I'm letting myself have ittttt, feels goood.
That's all I got for tonight. I have something else on my mind but that's for another time.
Laterrrrr gaterrrrrr :)
I'm really happy right now, happier than I've been in a little while. Strange to think it's because I'm dropping out of college. I don't like the way that sounds so let's call it withdrawing. My dad laughed when I said that but it makes me feel like a failure to say that I'm dropping out. Plus I have a plan of going back in two years if i don't "make it" as my sister put it.
I feel really relieved. I still have to go to my school and officially withdraw aka sign my life away to financial aid. I also have to talk to my adviser aka defend my decision and dignity. Sounds like fun, right? God I'm excited for that!
It's going to be fine though because I know what I waannnnt and I'm letting myself have ittttt, feels goood.
That's all I got for tonight. I have something else on my mind but that's for another time.
Laterrrrr gaterrrrrr :)
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
BIG changes.
haaayyyyyyyyy
what the fuck is good? Pardon my absence yet again, I been busy.
Shit has been going down, I moved! Maybe I said that in my last blog. I've been working my arse off and barely getting by in school. Which brings me to the reason I felt the urge the write here, I have A LOT on my mind. I won't get into all of it because god knows I could go on for days and that will just get annoying. SO today kind of suddenly (btw I hafta mention that Sarah Evans is on the Opry right now and is just doing terrible, I love her but my gahhd she's dropping the ball.) but not so suddenly because it's been on my mind forever, and when I say forever I mean since I started college.
I've known exactly what I want to do since probably junior year of high school and my main dilemma was figuring out where to go to college to work in the music industry, I didn't really think it was a field that was taught or learned in college. Obviously it is but i sucked in high school because I couldn't have cared less about my grades and all that bullshit so I had to go to community college and straighten my ass out then went to Memphis then foolishly came back to Boston. So the point is that I'm over this school thing. I literally hate it.
I feel like if I had gone to the school I wanted to originally, straight out of high school (which was Belmont in Nashville) then I would be fine. I'd be 2 semester's away from getting my bachelors in music business and I'd be happy as a clam in lovely Nashville. Instead, I'm a hot mess struggling to keep my head above water in New England. Staying focused and motivated while being in a place I don't feel like I belong in is probably one of the hardest things I've had to force myself to do. Last year was fine, I wasn't happy but I was content for the time being. This year is different. I'm so unfocused and distracted and frustrated with school that I can't seem to get my head together and do my papers or study or anything and it SUCKS. I'm miserable with school and I'm not doing my best which is frustrating me even more. If I'm going to graduate from college I want to accept my degree knowing that I did my best and as of right now I don't see that happening.
SO I think I'm going to take 2 years off, move to Nashville and see how it goes. If after 2 years i fail miserably at trying to succeed I'll go back to school and get a degree. I'll be refreshed and be able to focus if nothing else works out, it will be all I'll have so I won't really have a choice.
I know this is some what rash, or may seem that way but it's not to me. I've wanted to live in music city FOREVER and I can't help but feel like I'm wasting time and potential being in Boston. The industry that I want to work in is not here, it's 1200 miles away in a beautiful place with beautiful people that I'm supposed to be a part of. That's where I need to be and it's about damn time that I go. So I'm aiming forrrrr early next year. No later than April :)
Glad I got that out! Gaaasshhh I'm relieved.. I told my mom earlier and she's always been supportive about me moving and doing what I want, now I just have to tell my Dad. I hate to let him down by leaving school.. but I can't be unhappy and I know I'll barely skim by if not fail if I stay in school right now.
=) finally making this decision makes me happy :)
also, the fact that Harry Potter is on right now doesn't hurt either.
buh bye <3
what the fuck is good? Pardon my absence yet again, I been busy.
Shit has been going down, I moved! Maybe I said that in my last blog. I've been working my arse off and barely getting by in school. Which brings me to the reason I felt the urge the write here, I have A LOT on my mind. I won't get into all of it because god knows I could go on for days and that will just get annoying. SO today kind of suddenly (btw I hafta mention that Sarah Evans is on the Opry right now and is just doing terrible, I love her but my gahhd she's dropping the ball.) but not so suddenly because it's been on my mind forever, and when I say forever I mean since I started college.
I've known exactly what I want to do since probably junior year of high school and my main dilemma was figuring out where to go to college to work in the music industry, I didn't really think it was a field that was taught or learned in college. Obviously it is but i sucked in high school because I couldn't have cared less about my grades and all that bullshit so I had to go to community college and straighten my ass out then went to Memphis then foolishly came back to Boston. So the point is that I'm over this school thing. I literally hate it.
I feel like if I had gone to the school I wanted to originally, straight out of high school (which was Belmont in Nashville) then I would be fine. I'd be 2 semester's away from getting my bachelors in music business and I'd be happy as a clam in lovely Nashville. Instead, I'm a hot mess struggling to keep my head above water in New England. Staying focused and motivated while being in a place I don't feel like I belong in is probably one of the hardest things I've had to force myself to do. Last year was fine, I wasn't happy but I was content for the time being. This year is different. I'm so unfocused and distracted and frustrated with school that I can't seem to get my head together and do my papers or study or anything and it SUCKS. I'm miserable with school and I'm not doing my best which is frustrating me even more. If I'm going to graduate from college I want to accept my degree knowing that I did my best and as of right now I don't see that happening.
SO I think I'm going to take 2 years off, move to Nashville and see how it goes. If after 2 years i fail miserably at trying to succeed I'll go back to school and get a degree. I'll be refreshed and be able to focus if nothing else works out, it will be all I'll have so I won't really have a choice.
I know this is some what rash, or may seem that way but it's not to me. I've wanted to live in music city FOREVER and I can't help but feel like I'm wasting time and potential being in Boston. The industry that I want to work in is not here, it's 1200 miles away in a beautiful place with beautiful people that I'm supposed to be a part of. That's where I need to be and it's about damn time that I go. So I'm aiming forrrrr early next year. No later than April :)
Glad I got that out! Gaaasshhh I'm relieved.. I told my mom earlier and she's always been supportive about me moving and doing what I want, now I just have to tell my Dad. I hate to let him down by leaving school.. but I can't be unhappy and I know I'll barely skim by if not fail if I stay in school right now.
=) finally making this decision makes me happy :)
also, the fact that Harry Potter is on right now doesn't hurt either.
buh bye <3
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
oohh hi dere.
So I've noticed that my past few blogs are a lot of me complaining which I don't think is cool. I mean yeah, this is my blog and I DO WHAT I WANT buttt complaining is annoying so I shall stop. Not completely because what else can i really talk about if I'm not complaining? I'm quite the complainer if you haven't noticed ;)
Anywho, my apologies for not writing in a while, now isn't reallyyyy the time to write a whole huge thing cause I'm 2 glasses of wine and a glass of champagne deep, which to some of you is probably your pre game but for my lightweight self it's just a wee bit more :) I ain't ashameddddd
mkayy I felt the need to give a little update because I've been neglecting this lately :( so dere she is.
more to come when I'm sober!
<3
p.s congrats to a couple fabuloso musicians, Rascal Flatts got asked to be members of the Grand Ole Opry tonight and it's about damn time :)
laterrrrr!
Anywho, my apologies for not writing in a while, now isn't reallyyyy the time to write a whole huge thing cause I'm 2 glasses of wine and a glass of champagne deep, which to some of you is probably your pre game but for my lightweight self it's just a wee bit more :) I ain't ashameddddd
mkayy I felt the need to give a little update because I've been neglecting this lately :( so dere she is.
more to come when I'm sober!
<3
p.s congrats to a couple fabuloso musicians, Rascal Flatts got asked to be members of the Grand Ole Opry tonight and it's about damn time :)
laterrrrr!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
got my mind on my money, money on my mind.
I'm bugging out. It's almost 4 am and i'm at my mom and sister's because it was her birthday tonight and I met her our for it. I only stayed out for maybe an hour because I've been working so I'm exhausted. I've been sleeping and woke up because the baby was fussing and my mom and sister were up. They live in a small apartment so it woke me up. Which in my sleepy mind pissed me off and my mind started going and because I'm always worried about everything I started worrying about my life and money and recent decisions I've made and now I'm just freaking out about everything and can't go back to sleep :(
I'm supposed to be going to see Adele in 2 weeks in New Jersey with my friend but just decided that I can't because it's just going to be too expensive to get there and stay in a hotel and all that shit. I have to buy my books for school out of my own god damned pocket because financial aid and college fucking SUCK. I'm moving to Rhode Island and I'm going to have to pay rent and pay for the train to Boston on Tuesdays and Thursdays and pay to drive 40 minutes to work and pay for my phone and pay to keep my car running and just burn money because it's the story of my life. I can't deal with this. ='(
I've been really stressed forever and I'm starting to crack and I don't want to. I just want things to work out and be okay and fix themselves. I want to make the right choices and not be fucked over like my parents but it's too late for that. I'm already screwed because of school. Why is it so expensive? It doesn't even make sense. America wants it's citizens to be educated and get good jobs yet they make it almost impossible to do so. If you didn't do amazing in high school or if you're not a minority (and I belong to neither club) you're basically shit on their shoe, fend for yourself. They make you believe all through grade school and high school that you NEED to go to college to survive and be successful so everyone does it and ends up in insane debt forever. Banks take advantage of college freshman and send them credit cards so they spend it all because they're college freshman and have no conception of how to deal with money and credit so they screw themselves and the banks LOVE IT because now they'll make money off of you until you die.
Money rules the world and I hate it.
I'm going apple picking tomorrow and it's the only thing I'm excited about right now, really excited about actually. Apple picking rules :)
I'm supposed to be going to see Adele in 2 weeks in New Jersey with my friend but just decided that I can't because it's just going to be too expensive to get there and stay in a hotel and all that shit. I have to buy my books for school out of my own god damned pocket because financial aid and college fucking SUCK. I'm moving to Rhode Island and I'm going to have to pay rent and pay for the train to Boston on Tuesdays and Thursdays and pay to drive 40 minutes to work and pay for my phone and pay to keep my car running and just burn money because it's the story of my life. I can't deal with this. ='(
I've been really stressed forever and I'm starting to crack and I don't want to. I just want things to work out and be okay and fix themselves. I want to make the right choices and not be fucked over like my parents but it's too late for that. I'm already screwed because of school. Why is it so expensive? It doesn't even make sense. America wants it's citizens to be educated and get good jobs yet they make it almost impossible to do so. If you didn't do amazing in high school or if you're not a minority (and I belong to neither club) you're basically shit on their shoe, fend for yourself. They make you believe all through grade school and high school that you NEED to go to college to survive and be successful so everyone does it and ends up in insane debt forever. Banks take advantage of college freshman and send them credit cards so they spend it all because they're college freshman and have no conception of how to deal with money and credit so they screw themselves and the banks LOVE IT because now they'll make money off of you until you die.
Money rules the world and I hate it.
I'm going apple picking tomorrow and it's the only thing I'm excited about right now, really excited about actually. Apple picking rules :)
Sunday, September 4, 2011
TRUTH.
There is always that one person or group of people who try to stop you from following your dreams. Fuck them, follow everything you believe in.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Stresssssssssssed
School starts in 3 days, I just got a new job that scheduled me on days I'm working at H&M who I haven't given my two weeks to yet, I need to move out of this house and I'm just about poor. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck me.
I don't think I've ever been so stressed out in my entire life, it's a miracle that I haven't had multiple anxiety attacks in the past couple weeks. Let's face it, I am not a decision maker and all of these more than semi important decisions have been thrown in my face and other people are pressuring me to hurry up and decide and what if I make the wrong decision? Why can't they just BACK OFF and give me some fucking room to breath and time to think? GAAWWDDD ugghhh. And to top off today some little weasel at work drank my muther effin lemonde from the fridge!!! There was maybe a quarter left and that little fucker drank from my straw, DRANK IT ALL and left the cup with ice in it, for me. You have no idea how much I was looking forward to those last sweet delicious drops of lemonade after work. I'm going to find out who it was and... do something. Idk what yet I can't think of anything good right now but it'll be something! Asshole.
I'm getting sick and I hope whoever drank it gets my sick germies and gets sicker than me! HA!
Another thing on mah mind is...wait I forgot.. ugh shit I lost my train of thought mid sentence. dangiiittt!
If I remember I'll come back and write it in.
laterrr!!
Oh I remember!
Tonight some rude bitch was rude to me at work and I thought about it for a good half hour and I was somewhat upset that she was rude to me. It wasn't directly to me, her bf (i think) asked me a question about an jacket and everything we have is on the floor and I guess my answer was half retarded and I knew it was coming off the wrong way as it was coming out of my mouth but it was too late and she just gave me the dirtiest "what a dumbass" look I've ever gotten to my face. So it bothered me because I care way too much about what other people think. I'm not one of those people who will lie and say idc about what anyone thinks I do meeee fuck the world. Nah, i do do me and fuck the world but I still care about how others feel about me. I just like to liked I guess and when someone doesn't like me i dun like it :(
So my point is I need to stop caring about what other people think and just get on with my life. And i'm pretty convinced I'm a compulsive swearer. I swear way too much, all the time, even at work. I don't even realize I'm swearing the words are just like any other to me. But this obviously offends others so I'm trying to cut back, which is ridiculous because I'll never stop swearing OH WELL :)
k I'm done, thanks for listening :)
I don't think I've ever been so stressed out in my entire life, it's a miracle that I haven't had multiple anxiety attacks in the past couple weeks. Let's face it, I am not a decision maker and all of these more than semi important decisions have been thrown in my face and other people are pressuring me to hurry up and decide and what if I make the wrong decision? Why can't they just BACK OFF and give me some fucking room to breath and time to think? GAAWWDDD ugghhh. And to top off today some little weasel at work drank my muther effin lemonde from the fridge!!! There was maybe a quarter left and that little fucker drank from my straw, DRANK IT ALL and left the cup with ice in it, for me. You have no idea how much I was looking forward to those last sweet delicious drops of lemonade after work. I'm going to find out who it was and... do something. Idk what yet I can't think of anything good right now but it'll be something! Asshole.
I'm getting sick and I hope whoever drank it gets my sick germies and gets sicker than me! HA!
Another thing on mah mind is...wait I forgot.. ugh shit I lost my train of thought mid sentence. dangiiittt!
If I remember I'll come back and write it in.
laterrr!!
Oh I remember!
Tonight some rude bitch was rude to me at work and I thought about it for a good half hour and I was somewhat upset that she was rude to me. It wasn't directly to me, her bf (i think) asked me a question about an jacket and everything we have is on the floor and I guess my answer was half retarded and I knew it was coming off the wrong way as it was coming out of my mouth but it was too late and she just gave me the dirtiest "what a dumbass" look I've ever gotten to my face. So it bothered me because I care way too much about what other people think. I'm not one of those people who will lie and say idc about what anyone thinks I do meeee fuck the world. Nah, i do do me and fuck the world but I still care about how others feel about me. I just like to liked I guess and when someone doesn't like me i dun like it :(
So my point is I need to stop caring about what other people think and just get on with my life. And i'm pretty convinced I'm a compulsive swearer. I swear way too much, all the time, even at work. I don't even realize I'm swearing the words are just like any other to me. But this obviously offends others so I'm trying to cut back, which is ridiculous because I'll never stop swearing OH WELL :)
k I'm done, thanks for listening :)
Monday, August 29, 2011
"I can count the days since I've seen you"
ello poppet!
this is going to be a weird statement and you're probably going to wonder what I'm doing and I'LL NEVER TELL!! Buuuut, thank god for tweezers.
Now that that's out of the way, I need advice on something. Not that anybody who reads this leaves comments but I know people read it so I'll put it out there anyways and if you feel so passionately about my dilema that you're bursting at the seams with advice to give my poor indecisive self, then please feel free :)
SO in my last blog (i think) i talked about how I was planning on moving to providence and blah blah, well i kind of put it out of my head because it seems like it's going to cost too much $ and I want to save for Nashville buuuut my friend just told me that the job I could possibly have pays 18 an hour which is like.. I'm going to be a millionaire. The only thing is that it's only on the weekends and I don't think I'm going to make enough just on the weekends to sustain myself and my bills plus save.. plus go to concerts, obviously =)
It's a serving job at a wedding venue called Bel Mere and it's beautious and it would be such an exciting experience, I'd love every second but idk if it's worth it. Therefore I need advice!! I suck at making decisions and always feel like I make the wrong ones soooo I obviously need a designated decision maker who works for free :)
Gaaash. I was discussing this with one of the managers at my current job who knows all of this already and he said it seems like a good sitch if I get another job during the week, like a part time waitressing job or something. For some ridiculous reason I find myself terrified to become a waitress. I feel like I would be horrible, I'd forget people's orders and trip and fall with trays of food and just be a total bitch to people and not get tips!! =/ (sometimes it's hard to control my bitchiness, honestly)
That sounds stupid, I'm always nervous to start new jobs in general. I'm a puss.
Plus it would be slightly annoying to take the train to school from prov.. but I only have Tuesday/Thursday classes this semester so it's really not a big deal I'm just being a brat. ugghhh i just dono what to dooooooo!
That's really all that is on my mind.
Actually, the VMA awards were on last night and they were GOD AWFUL. But I've been thinking lately that since I'm going to work in the music business one day (soon!) I probably shouldn't shit on certain artists and genre's and annoying people who should not have record deals because they have no talent what so ever. Sooo I won't talk about it because my review would be negative (but funny) and maybe a little hateful (but funny)
okay BYE!! <3
this is going to be a weird statement and you're probably going to wonder what I'm doing and I'LL NEVER TELL!! Buuuut, thank god for tweezers.
Now that that's out of the way, I need advice on something. Not that anybody who reads this leaves comments but I know people read it so I'll put it out there anyways and if you feel so passionately about my dilema that you're bursting at the seams with advice to give my poor indecisive self, then please feel free :)
SO in my last blog (i think) i talked about how I was planning on moving to providence and blah blah, well i kind of put it out of my head because it seems like it's going to cost too much $ and I want to save for Nashville buuuut my friend just told me that the job I could possibly have pays 18 an hour which is like.. I'm going to be a millionaire. The only thing is that it's only on the weekends and I don't think I'm going to make enough just on the weekends to sustain myself and my bills plus save.. plus go to concerts, obviously =)
It's a serving job at a wedding venue called Bel Mere and it's beautious and it would be such an exciting experience, I'd love every second but idk if it's worth it. Therefore I need advice!! I suck at making decisions and always feel like I make the wrong ones soooo I obviously need a designated decision maker who works for free :)
Gaaash. I was discussing this with one of the managers at my current job who knows all of this already and he said it seems like a good sitch if I get another job during the week, like a part time waitressing job or something. For some ridiculous reason I find myself terrified to become a waitress. I feel like I would be horrible, I'd forget people's orders and trip and fall with trays of food and just be a total bitch to people and not get tips!! =/ (sometimes it's hard to control my bitchiness, honestly)
That sounds stupid, I'm always nervous to start new jobs in general. I'm a puss.
Plus it would be slightly annoying to take the train to school from prov.. but I only have Tuesday/Thursday classes this semester so it's really not a big deal I'm just being a brat. ugghhh i just dono what to dooooooo!
That's really all that is on my mind.
Actually, the VMA awards were on last night and they were GOD AWFUL. But I've been thinking lately that since I'm going to work in the music business one day (soon!) I probably shouldn't shit on certain artists and genre's and annoying people who should not have record deals because they have no talent what so ever. Sooo I won't talk about it because my review would be negative (but funny) and maybe a little hateful (but funny)
okay BYE!! <3
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