sometimes I'm stupid.

I guess everyone does stupid things, things that seem like a great idea at the time. I'm young, I'm having fun and not caring.. until nights like this where I think about some things in the past and feel bad about them. I wish I could be a better decision maker, especially when it comes to dudes. I'm a sucker, if you make me feel bad I cave and that sucks and I know it. I just feel bad and do things even if I don't really want to.. so I don't hurt their feelings which is stupid. I should naahhht be worrying about that shit, especially with guys because God knows they don't give a fuck. I need to stop being stupid.

Kay now I feel better a little about that.
I went to Town Spa today with my madre which is only the best and I mean THE BEST pizza place in the whole entire world. I'm serious. Just look at this pizza,

seriously? Your mouth is definitely watering. IT'S SO GOOD!!!!
So we devoured this delicious pizza, had one of our long talks about how in love I am with certain people and how much I despise others. Then we went to Target! I have a deep love for Target, I love WalMart too but Target is just fabulous. I got a new pair of black sneaks, 3 pairs of socks for $1.00 each (yes!) and a new brazere :)
Another reason I love Target, besides their lovely clothes, shoes, and everything else in that store, is that they all have a lovely little Starbucks in all of them <3 love love looovveee it. Starbucks+Target = heaven.

Tomorrow I have my Music Industry mid term and I haven't studied. Cool huh? I don't have that class until 2:30 so I'm going to study during my 2 hours break tomorrow and eat chocolate so that I remember everything :)
now i must get my beauty sleep so I can wake up and ace this test. & thank you for making me feel better about feeling shitty :):):):)

don't you ever wish you could feel that way again?

Country music is straight up amazing. It gets me through life. It helps me get ready in the morning, gets me through the bus ride to school, work and wherever else i venture. I just love it. :)


i gots lots of homework to do so I must leave you now nighty night <3

Who cares?

So my mom just told me that I'm hard to get to know. This kind of hurt my feelings although I know this is true but I guess I always described it in a different way, like being shy or whatever. It just got me to thinking if other people think I'm hard to get to know. Then I thought who really cares what other people think but it's basically a fact that everybody cares about what others think, even if they deny it.

That's my thought for the day, gg catch the bus cyaaaaa

Twitter & "The Gift of Fear"

It's time to admit to my ridiculous addiction to Twitter. The first time I came across twitter was on Tay Swizzy's myspace page and I immediately fell in love. I was one of those people who updates their statuses 500 times a day with lyrics and quotes and random thoughts, so twitter to me is just fabulous.

Yesterday I was in Borders with a friend and while I waited for her to get her coffee I was browsing the books on the shelf facing the cafe. I came across "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker and this caught my attention because on the cover it says "this book can save your life" and I remember seeing something about this book on Oprah a while back. So I flipped it open and began reading the first couple pages and it just sucked me right in. 15 bucks is worth learning how to save my life right? Yessir, just one day later (let me add that I am not a big reader when it comes to books) and I'm already on page 82 in Chapter 5 :) This book is a #1 national best seller and I could see why within the first page. I haven't finished this book yet or even gotten half way through but I am recommending it to everyone I know. It's terrifying but in a good way. I feel like I have always had a pretty good sense of my intuition and common sense which is why I felt it as almost a challenge to read this book to see how smart I think I am when it comes to strangers and violence. So far I feel like I'm pretty well off, there are a lot of women who are just plain stupid when it comes to trusting strangers and Becker really gives you everything you need to be smarter. He actually just says the right things it's not even like he is giving you the tools he just tells you to listen to yourself because you already have all the tools you need inside. It's genius, go buy it!


I still haven't gotten over David Nail and his amazingness. Usually when I become suddenly obsessed with a new artist it only lasts maybe a month and I'm over it. There are few artists that last past the first initial liking of their music. Rascal Flatts, TS, Carrie Underwood are a couple that I stick with. But I think David Nail is going to be added to that list because he is just amazing. His entire CD is so good and his voice gives me chillsssss :)


Kay I'm going for a run before it starts to rain!

later <3

"wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts"

you are the best thing that's ever been miinnee.
I have one question and one question only, how does Taylor Swift know exactly what's going on in my life at all times? Her new song "Mean" from her new album "Speak Now" (out on October 25!) is just perfection. I LOVE IT! I'm making it a priority to see her asap, i miss that girl. "All you are is mean and a liar and pathetic and alone in life" just perfect and so true for shitty people :)

Stacy is coming to visit tomorrow and we're going to Red Mangooo!! can't wait can't wait can't wait!! I wish there was a show around that we could go toooo but oh well, we make our own fun mkaayyy.

tootles for now :):)

<3

I got some stuff on my mind.

I know I already posted today but I'm doing it again because I have some stuff I wanna get out. I just went for a walk along the beach right after my dad told me about a dead body they had found on the same beach this morning. This obviously freaked me out but I went anyways because I was way too full from dinner to just do nothing. So on my walk I was listening to my music and watching the planes fly like I always do and I was just thinking about some things that have happened in the past couple of weeks.
1. My 'best friend' and I are no longer friends, never mind the best part. I can't tell you the real reason that she was mad at me in the first place because I was drunk and don't remember everything that happened and she wouldn't tell me. So my nosy mother decided to ask after I told her my view of what went down and how my "best friend" won't talk to me or even tell me why she's mad because of something that happened when I was black out drunk, makes PERFECT sense, right? So this "best friend" decides to tell my mother the "story" which I don't believe a single word of because it does not even make sense and is so absurd. So I obviously did something terrible when i was drunk and don't remember to piss her off royally; which last time I checked doesn't fucking count when you BLACK OUT. Seriously. How can you stay mad at someone when they don't even know wtf the did? Anyways. that's not even the point really, she threw me under the bus to my mother and so she can go fuck herself and die for all I care. Harsh? Maybe. But true.

2. I was sexually harassed by my boss. I'm not kidding. I'm not really gonna get into that because it's just long and annoying but hes leaving in less than a week and I couldn't be more happy that he;s going to be gone and I never have to see him again.

3. This should really be number 2 if I'm going in the order that this shit happened but whatever. I went to California a little over a week ago with one of my favorite people in da whole world, Stacy. Why did we fly across the country you may be asking yourself, well I'll tell you. We went to see Rascal Flatts. When we landed in San Francisco Stacy has a text message that says the first show has been CANCELED. Awesome. Then we booked the car for the wrong city, a city that was oh just 2 hours way. So we have to pay an extra 300$ to get it switched to the correct city, we almost get killed and raped on the train and FINALLY get our car. This car ruled. It was actually a little truck and it just ruled. So we drive to San Jose where the second show is supposed to be Friday night (it's wed night) so we finally get a hotel and go to sleep. Free continental breakfast was from 630-9 so we get up at 8 in much better moods, still bummed from the canceled show we were supposed to be seeing that night but hey, we're in California so we're gonna make the best of a free day. So we go shopping. A few hours later we get the word, the SECOND show is canceled. SO we just flew across the country to see 2 amazing concerts which have now been canceled, due to illness. Kill us now. It gets better.
As we're in the Mexican Wal-Mart Chris Young (the dude opening for RF & 1 of Stac's favs) announces a show at a local bar on Friday night! 21+ what's the problem you ask? Stacy is just a wee little 19. COOL. So we go anyways because I have an ID and maybe if we tell the bouncer our story, he'll let us in.. pity? A woman is at the door, the manager... who is fat and ugly and short and a BITCH. So we can't get in and after being kicked out of the parking lot just trying to listen to Chris we decide it's best to leave before a cop comes and finds the 12 pack of Budlight lime in our back seat. Ihop makes everything better, at least it worked for me.

Bad things come in 3's right?
Someone told me today that my blog is sad, so I figured I'd lay it out why I'm in a bad mood this time. I'm not depressed I promise. I usually vent on this thing, I didn't make it to vent but it has become a nice outlet. Although I enjoy getting my anger and other sad emotions out on here I'm going to make an effort to make this little baby a bit more upbeat :) and now that i have gotten that shit out I think we can move on and hopefully things will start looking up.

It's only 9pm but I'm ready for a long sleep, nighty night :)

<3

I'm About to Come Alive

Favorite song right now - I'm about to Come Alive by David Nail. AMAZING, he is amazing :)

could have loved you all my life if you hadn't left me waiting in the cold.

You know those days, or in my case the past few weeks, when it feels like everything has just crumbled? Literally everything. Everything you try to do right fails. Every right decision you try to make turns out to be the wrong one and every person you thought you could trust turns out to be a liar and a thief. A thief of your energy, a thief of your poise, a thief of your confidence, a thief of your personality. I feel like I have just been broken down so much over the past year and I can't get back on track, nothing I do is right. Really sitting here and thinking back over this last year makes me realize how many wrong decisions I have made. Maybe I never should have gone to Memphis or maybe I should have gone back this year. Maybe there was a reason I went and came back, though I haven't figured it out yet. I know at the time I could not picture myself back in Memphis, now I can. I miss people I never thought I would and I miss the independence and being 1200 miles away from everyone and doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted with whomever I wanted. So much is happening to me right now and in this past month I don't even know how I'm still standing. I don't know how I haven't completely broken down and just cried for hours. I feel like I need it but I just can't, it's not coming out. I don't know what it's going to take but I hope that there isn't something bigger and more terrible coming that's going to just completely break me because I don't know that I'll be able to handle it. Music isn't even bringing out the tears, which is odd because music always gets me. Sad songs always bring on the tears.. but not this time, I got nothing.

It's starting to get really cold outside and taking the bus,train, bus to and from work is starting to SUCK. I have to get a new, big, warm, comfy jacket to keep me toasty on these hikes.

that's all. good night <3

My life is falling apart. That's all.